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A MODEST PROPOSAL


For Saving the American People from the Dread of the HIV Infection, Ridding them from an Unnecessary Tax Burden, and Saving the Nation from Forced Modesty



The human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) has been a significant threat to the well being of humanity and a source of countless inconveniences to those wishing to stay alive since the late 1970. Undoubtedly, most people resent the fact that the old maxim "sharing is caring" no longer applies because of the risk of infection. People can no longer share intravenous needles or body fluids to demonstrate their affection. A generation had grown up bombarded by propaganda of self-restraint. As a result, their emotions are repressed, and their stress can no longer be easily managed by chemical means. Most infected people suffer from a similar decrease in their freedom and emotional health, but additionally develop numerous agonizing health problems as the HIV infection progresses.

The disease damages every human being, yet the adverse effects on the uninfected majority go unnoticed because of their universality. According to the Center for Disease Control, 650 to 900 thousand people are infected with HIV in the US. These persons are a constant threat to those wishing to preserve sanity and a stable social life. Due to the high antigenic variability of the HIV, many more years will pass before a cure or a vaccine effective enough to eradicate the disease will be developed, and there will be no excuse for the additional suffering of the entire human species. HIV needs to be rapidly eradicated; yet no solution has been offered that would effectively eliminate the disease in a definite and brief time.

Although a fast victory seemed hardly realistic, a simple adjustment to the legal system would bring it about in no time. This amendment would institute mandatory disease testing, and deprive beings with a communicable, incurable and fatal condition (such as HIV infection) of all legal rights and declare them the property of the government. A government-funded organization for testing would be established, and would oversee annual checks on all US residents. The results of such tests will not be disclosed, and infected creatures would be extracted from the population by a suitably equipped and funded task force. Additionally, all potential immigrants will be required to pass disease tests. The government would then use the removed infection carriers for manual labor, safety tests and research, and when the disease progresses to become painful, subject them to euthanasia. The ground-up carcasses may then be used as fertilizer on median strips and other wasteland instead of the often-toxic sewage sludge. This solution would annually remove over 90% percent of the infected creatures from the population and in a short time eradicate the disease.

The financial benefits of this project are also clearly desirable. The treatment of each HIV patient currently costs taxpayers $10,000 - $18,000 annually (HIV/AIDS Drugs: Funding Implications of New Combination Therapies for Federal and State Programs, United States General Accounting Office), adding up to a total of $6.5 to $17.1 billion, while nationwide annual HIV testing would only cost $9 billion at $30 per test. The maintenance of the bureaucracy and the extraction task force could cost up to $1 billion annually, but would decrease dramatically as HIV becomes less prevalent. Furthermore, the benefits of free labor would bring additional profits of an estimated $9.3 - $13.8 billion, provided 620,000 - 850,000 of the infected persons are able to work with an annual productivity worth $15,000. In all, this proposal would result in annual savings of up to $20.9 billion to US taxpayers.

These results are impossible to achieve under the absurd policy the government currently follows, as no infected being can be compelled to avoid transmitting the disease to others. This policy contradicts the definition of a government, which is an institution created to serve the people. The current course of action will bear no fruits except those of further suffering and death, whereas the proposed amendment would benefit both the people at large and the infected creatures. The people would finally cease suffering from the ill effects of self-restraint and apprehension. The infected wretches would be spared the guilt of bringing death to others, the torturous final moments, and would lead a purposeful existence that would benefit humanity.

There is not one foreseeable objection to this project, as its benefits to society dwarf the costs of implementation. Considering the expediency and the simplicity of this solution, no sane person should suggest in its place any of the unpopular and expensive schemes of promoting more self-restraint, providing funding for more intensive research, humiliating the diseased by making their condition public, or intensifying the isolation of people from each other by eliminating the need to share matter signifying trust and affection.

Undoubtedly, this is not the only way of resolving the HIV crisis, and any proposition that would accomplish results as splendid as described, both financially and socially, at as rapid a pace, would deserve equal consideration. The authors of such contradicting plans should consider carefully the dangers of leaving the 650-900 thousand of infectious agents roaming free in the population, as well as the effects of the costs treatments, research, and preventative propaganda on the economic well-being of the nation, and finally the burden of guilt of passing on the malady the infected wretches will have to bear. Finally, if any suggest that this solution has been drawn up with the rash assumption that I am immune to infection or banishment, it is not so. Were I to be infected, I pledge I would willingly do whatever is necessary to spare others suffering.



This essay is Copyright (C) 2000 Alexey Spiridonov. All rights reserved



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